Are pigeons protected by the Queen like swans are? What are my legal rights if a pigeon attacks me?
A baby is cooked at 37 degrees Celsius for 9 months using only two ingredients.
Security at every level of an airport is absolutely ridiculous. Until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s just like take whatever bag you want. Also I'm selling some used golf clubs from China if anyone is interested.
Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, "I'll give you something to cry about"? We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market.
When medication says "do not operate heavy machinery" they're probably mainly referring to cars, but my mind always goes to forklift.
I wish you could just record silence and then play it on loudspeakers on full blast to make the whole room quiet.
The other day, someone said, "Newton's rolling over in his grave" in response to a basic physics mistake. But if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it, he would roll over in his grave.
There shouldn't be a stigma about going to the cinema alone. The activity where you can't talk to someone should be the one you can do alone.
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super cool if you don't know what either of those things are.
There should be a millenial edition of Monopoly where you just walk round the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.
I avoid looking at intentionally loud cars driving by because that's what they want me to do.
It's strange that there is a setting on your toaster to completely burn the bread.
Drive-throughs that won’t serve pedestrians are basically saying they have a strict dress code that requires you to wear a car.
Oh, we've arrived?